Slippery Slope

By Alan Segovia-Reyes

Why haven’t any of my friends called today?
They hate me. I’m absolutely sure they do.
Why wouldn’t they hate me? I hate me!
I don’t even know why they spend their time with me. They
could have anyone else in their band.
Why do they keep me around?
It’s probably because they couldn’t do this shit without me.
Yeah…That’s why.
They need me!
I mean, who the fuck else is gonna sing those fucking songs?
Those STUPID FUCKING SONGS!
God dammit.
What am I doing?
What am I thinking? These are my friends.

That’s why they’re around.
It’s because they love me. Right? ...Right?
No…
Why would they? After all I’ve done. Why would they still
want me around?
Especially after that time that I was plastered at Casey’s birthday
party. I swear I probably wouldn’t even know that I did
anything if no one told me about it.
You fucking drunk!
You can’t even remember half of the things that you do because
you’re always too drunk to stand.
Is that how you want to live the rest of your stupid miserable
life?
What is wrong with you? Huh?
You think that you’re the only one with problems? Everyone
has problems. That doesn’t give you the right to get drunk
and act like an asshole everywhere you go.
What makes you so important?
Nothing!
You are so insignificant that no one’s gonna miss you when
you’re gone.
In fact, they’ll probably be glad.
They’ll all be relieved once I’m gone. Thank God!
I wont be around to fuck up their day anymore.
...
But what about that kid outside of our show in Fresno two
months ago? He waited outside just to tell me about how our
music keeps him going and that he could relate to it so well.
The kid actually thanked me.
He doesn’t know me though. I bet he would probably hate me
if he did.
Does he know that I drink from when I wake up to when I
fall asleep? Does he know that I get so drunk sometimes that I
cant leave the fucking house.
Of course he doesn’t.
HE doesn’t know who I am.
Nobody knows who I am.
I don’t even know who the fuck I am.
I swear it wouldn’t mater if I didn’t exist right now.
Everything would be better if I didn’t exist right now.
What the fuck?
What am I thinking?
Oh God. What am I doing?
I don- I don’t think I should be alone right now.
I should probably sleep.
No, Its only 3pm and I’ve been lying in since 7.
I should probably eat something.
All I have in the fridge is beer.
I could go buy something.
Who am I kidding? I can’t drive right now.
Is that my phone? Oh it’s Mike.

H-hello? Yeah no Im not busy right now. Why what’s up? Oh no I
haven’t gotten a chance to listen to the demos you sent me, I’ve been
kind of out of it lately. Hey, while I got you man um. Are you hungry?
...Awesome. Uh I kind of need you to come pick me up. Yeah, no
im not drunk, but I shouldn’t be driving. Alright, I’ll be ready in like
20 minutes. All right. See you then.

Alan Segovia-Reyes is a Salvadoran-American Student at UMD. He is Pursuing a Degree in English while minoring in Spanish. He likes just about anything from short stories, music, you name it. One thing that is especially important to him, as someone who deals with anxiety, is that people understand how impactful mental illness can be on someone’s life. This was his motivation for this short story.